Visibility IS an issue …

Being trans-gendered, trans-sexual, dual-gendered or even a cross-dresser is an extremely visible expression of a soul. In my case, it truly is about the expression of a separate and distinct spirit, and the story involves a mostly self-guided journey of self- and other-discovery. A big part of that journey has of course involved exposure to and involvement in the gay/lesbian world. That involvement has led to some interesting discoveries about the importance of invisibility; the importance of being able to blend into everyday society. I begin the Afterword of Dear Mom and Dad, with this very subject.
Yes, there are those of us who are fortunate enough to pass to all but the most astute observer. But, for most of us a mere glance is enough to draw unpleasant scrutiny at best and painfully obvious expression of disapproval at worst. Most unfortunate is the fact that the visible discomfort is not limited to the straight community. That leaves some in the trans- community to wonder if gay and lesbian acceptance is genuine or a matter of certain political expediencies for the sake of numbers.
Personally, I find far more comfort in the company lesbians than I do in the company of most gay men. Let’s face it a large number of women in the lesbian community are, to all intents and purposes, merely reverse images of MtF (Male to Female) trans-people and thus the female part of a dual-gendered person such as myself. I frequently sense the same disapproving scrutiny from gay men that I sense in the straight community. I also find gay men far less likely to want to be seen with me in public than lesbian women, although I do sense it in lesbians at times.
I asked myself at one time, why was that? The fact is that G, L & B are mostly internal expressions. Most in those segments of our society are able to go about their day to day business without any undue, uncomfortable scrutiny unless they choose to make their sexuality a very visible issue. If the average gay man and most lesbians are spotted standing on a street corner, the fact that they are gay is totally unnoticeable. We in the T world on the other hand are quite visible and therefore quite un-acceptable to much of this world and that includes a substantial segment of the gay community. This was extremely obvious a few years ago when Congressman Barney Franks refused to include us in his, then pending, congressional legislation. I admit I didn’t pay much attention to his excuse. It didn’t make much difference. Being excluded from the club is after-all … being excluded from the club.
I for one am grateful for the pioneering done by the gay and lesbian community but I am also, as you now know, keenly aware of the differences in G, L, and B and T and D-G. May we always bear in mind that one size seldom does fit all.

Things I forgot …

I’m in Prescott for the weekend, courtesy of my friend/employer and his lady. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the atmosphere of a town which is inhabited, for the most part, by people who actually want to live where they live. In many cases they accept the reality that monitary compensation might not be so great, but they are willing to accept that circumstance in order to live in a community where it’s possible to walk down the street, see, greet and chat with people you know.
I’m sitting in the Raven Cafe where it seems that hardly anyone here, except me of course, doesn’t know at least one other person here for Saturday morning coffee and friendly chat. It makes me want to at least consider moving here one day. Maybe … one day!

First Reviews are in …

The first reviews are in and I am in a mixed state of humble joy and mild relief. Admittedly the number of reviews is not many and they are from somewhat biased sources, but in one case Dear Mom & Dad was read in 2 days and in another just 1 day which I’m told was from eagerness to know the whole story and not from a desire to get the misery overwith. The one most important review was from Mom, of course. Her comment was that she both cried and laughed. So, I await further reviews with at least a little less apprehension.

The task ahead of me now is to deal with the marketing issues and at the same time proceed with writing the follow-up book which has been started but placed on hold when Dear Mom & Dad went to the publisher.

A speaking engagement is in the works for the Los Angeles area and is tenatively scheduled for late October. More info will be forthcoming as that is available.

I’m finding that now the baby has been birthed I am frequently intellectually blank. At times the words to a song from the ’60’s (I think) “If that’s all there is my friend, then let’s keep dancing …” come to mind. But, then when I actually sit down and begin the process of sharing the thoughts on my mind that the sitting down and beginning part was the most difficult. Once the process is begun the words just seem to appear of their own volition and at times that results in prose that is entirely too wordy. That is what editing is all about I suppose. I can only recall one time when the editing process actually resulted in an expanded work. In the case of Dear Mom and Dad, the original text would have resulted in a 700 page monster and not the more manageable 270 page finished product. I am aiming to be more precise in the original manuscript of my next book and hopefully that will require far less editing. In the meantime I’m looking forward to more comments from you.

Now What? …

To tell the truth, six years of writing, editing; writing some more, editing some more and then beginning some parts all over from scratch was easy compared to what I now find myself faced with. Afterall, I was writing about self and had only my own expectations to deal with. Now that the six year effort is a published work I find that my expectations are suddenly infused with the expectations of others. At times that is entirely too much like a job and not the retirement activity I had always envisioned. Somewhere along the line I failed to consider the importance of modern communication devices and programs in letting the world know that my masterpiece was available to them and furthermore that it contained information, which naturally, I considered very important, need-to-know knowledge about the phenomenon of which I am part of.

The very last few pages of “Dear Mom and Dad” are the “Afterword.” This blog will, by the very nature of my mission in writing, be an extension of the “Afterword”, but an extension that I hope will become a forum for others to express their thoughts and experiences of being trapped, not in the wrong body, but in a body that is inhabited by two distinctly different spirits; one male and one female. It took years for me to come to that conclusion and I didn’t arrive there by virtue of my own research.

I arrived at the conclusion with the help of other people and Abba (that’s God to the unchurched). If anyone reading this blog is offended by my confessions of faith that is unfortunate. But, although certain “persons” delivered insights and/or clues to the answers I was seeking, I am convinced that Abba was responsible for putting pieces of my life’s puzzle in place. I was like a child who has embarked on the task of assembling an adult’s jigsaw puzzle and finds that some pieces just don’t seem to fit. I figuratively stomped my feet and whined about not being able to put all the pieces into place. Then some adult would come along and place one piece which then led to me being able to place a few more. Eventually enough pieces were in place that they finally made sense and although the puzzle isn’t complete there are enough in place for me to be able to envision what the final picture is going to be. There are still pieces of that puzzle I haven’t been able place yet, but I know now that I will eventually succeed … some day.

It’s likely that someone else posting to this blog will offer some thought which will place another piece. So please, give me your six bits and I will give you mine.