Being trans-gendered, trans-sexual, dual-gendered or even a cross-dresser is an extremely visible expression of a soul. In my case, it truly is about the expression of a separate and distinct spirit, and the story involves a mostly self-guided journey of self- and other-discovery. A big part of that journey has of course involved exposure to and involvement in the gay/lesbian world. That involvement has led to some interesting discoveries about the importance of invisibility; the importance of being able to blend into everyday society. I begin the Afterword of Dear Mom and Dad, with this very subject.
Yes, there are those of us who are fortunate enough to pass to all but the most astute observer. But, for most of us a mere glance is enough to draw unpleasant scrutiny at best and painfully obvious expression of disapproval at worst. Most unfortunate is the fact that the visible discomfort is not limited to the straight community. That leaves some in the trans- community to wonder if gay and lesbian acceptance is genuine or a matter of certain political expediencies for the sake of numbers.
Personally, I find far more comfort in the company lesbians than I do in the company of most gay men. Let’s face it a large number of women in the lesbian community are, to all intents and purposes, merely reverse images of MtF (Male to Female) trans-people and thus the female part of a dual-gendered person such as myself. I frequently sense the same disapproving scrutiny from gay men that I sense in the straight community. I also find gay men far less likely to want to be seen with me in public than lesbian women, although I do sense it in lesbians at times.
I asked myself at one time, why was that? The fact is that G, L & B are mostly internal expressions. Most in those segments of our society are able to go about their day to day business without any undue, uncomfortable scrutiny unless they choose to make their sexuality a very visible issue. If the average gay man and most lesbians are spotted standing on a street corner, the fact that they are gay is totally unnoticeable. We in the T world on the other hand are quite visible and therefore quite un-acceptable to much of this world and that includes a substantial segment of the gay community. This was extremely obvious a few years ago when Congressman Barney Franks refused to include us in his, then pending, congressional legislation. I admit I didn’t pay much attention to his excuse. It didn’t make much difference. Being excluded from the club is after-all … being excluded from the club.
I for one am grateful for the pioneering done by the gay and lesbian community but I am also, as you now know, keenly aware of the differences in G, L, and B and T and D-G. May we always bear in mind that one size seldom does fit all.