Category Archives: Memoir

A Missing Voice or My God … What have I done?

Posted on by
Reply

In the current noise about gender identity there is a missing voice from the “gender community”. Well, not totally missing. Afterall Caitlyn Jenner has publicly voiced her feelings about gender identity being pushed on children under the age of eighteen. But … that’s it. Otherwise, the only voices we’re hearing are those of the extreme right wing of political conservatives.

I suppose it was to be expected that the extremists would be as vocal and visible as they have been. That’s the way it has always worked isn’t it. LGBTQ??? activists throw a temper tantrum over some perceived moral injury and the press rushes to wipe their noses and dry their tears. The usual members of congress race to the nearest microphone to express their outrage and swear to get to the “root cause” and fix it, which they never do because there is nothing to fix except attitudes.

So, what I want to do here is share my thoughts, ideas and feelings on the subject of gender identity and how it affects anyone dealing with it. I also want to address what I see as society’s misunderstanding of the real issue.

I first want to make clear the reality of gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria in simple terms occurs when the set of emotions a person is born with simply do not match the body they were born with. That being said, anyone suffering from that mismatch of nature is simply fooling themselves if they think hormone treatments and surgery make the reality of the body they were born with, not have any effect on the way others as well as themselves see them. I can tell you from my own experience that just isn’t going to happen.

I defy any transexual human being to tell me that deep down inside they don’t still have some of the emotions related to the body they were born with. Let me explain.

We all dream in our sleep. I dream. Every night I dream. My dreams most frequently are the stuff of Steven King novels and movies. In those dreams I am seeing myself as George and at other times I’m seeing myself as Georgia. If, as many transexuals claim they really are not a person of the sex they were born with, why do their dreams reflect the body they were born with?

Could I be wrong about other people’s dreams? Of course I could. I just don’t think I’m so exceptional as to think I’m different from other people in the same situation. What does make me different is the way I view my reality.

The ongoing joke in our home is when I do something that is out of feminine character, my wife will inevitably accuse “George” of the act. She, as much as I, realize that there are two personalities at work in my character. She even has two pictures of Little Georgie on a shelf right above the nightstand adjacent to her side of the bed. All of this explanation is leading to my real reason for this entry in my blog. That issue is the current push to accept gender confusion in children as something other than what it may not be.

I was in my early thirties when I first began the process of recognizing the dual nature buried deep in my soul. It took another thirty plus years to fully understand that dual nature of my personalities and a full forty years to take the final step required for me to feel complete as Georgia. In that process, I was fully aware of the finality of what I was contemplating. I have referred to it as approaching the Rubicon and then as Caesar stated when he famously emerged on the south side of the Rubicon, “The die is cast.” There would be no do-overs, no chance of reversing course … the die of my life would be cast.

Obviously, it was a slowly developing process for a couple of reasons. The first of those was the fact that the pervading thought among the people I was associating with in the gender community was that in order to make that physical transition I would have to first wipe the emotions that were associated with George completely from my thoughts.

That I had difficulty with because I could not come to grips with the idea of telling my children primarily, and family as well, that I, Georgia was to all intents and purposes killing George and he would cease to exist. I share in my memoir the moment when I realized that wasn’t necessary; that the two “spirits” had in essence been cohabitating my soul for years anyway and that the only change would be that I would become the visible expression just as George had been the visible part with me in the background.

The second reason for the process being a slowly developing one was more practical. Money! I became resigned to never being a complete Georgia and went about living my life with that as the reality of it. I went through the legal process of name and gender change on my driver’s license and all the legal requirements associated with it. But that all changed with the death of Mom. On my way home from her funeral the reality of the impending distribution of her assets and what that would mean for my ability to at last make myself complete began to slowly settle in.

But even then, I proceeded with caution. I was keenly aware of the finality and the seriousness of what I was considering. After all, I had been exposed to the frequency of suicide in the transexual community and the reality that the grass not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Several years earlier I had asked my best friend Christine if I ultimately made that choice if it would make any difference in our relationship. Her answer was, “of course not and that if I ever proceeded with that option, she would go with me wherever I chose to go for the procedure and hold my hand though it all.” So, I called her and asked if the promise she had made at that time was still good. “Of course it is. Just tell me when and where.”

I still didn’t proceed. I spent the next several months thinking about the implications of what I was considering. Finally in February of 2015 at the age of seventy-one I made an appointment with the surgeon I had decided long ago was the one I wanted for that purpose. Her staff wrote to my employer’s insurance company to inquire about coverage for the operation. To my utter surprise it was covered. Five months later I was rolled in to the operating room. And that brings me to the point of what I need to say about adolescent gender re-assignment.

I had never been anesthetized since I was five years old and didn’t know what to expect. I was told by the anesthetist that he would give me something to relax me, then something to put me to sleep and then use general anesthesia during the surgery. Fine. The next thing I was aware of I was back in my hotel room and awake. Then, the one thing I knew was a possibility, but after all my careful deliberations didn’t think would happen to me … happened.

“My God what have I done?”

There it was. That awful feeling of having consciously done something irreversible that I regretted. For me to be having a regret like that just wasn’t acceptable. I immediately went to work on my own emotions and mindset and within a couple of hours I was okay with what I had done and have never seriously looked back. Sure, there are occasions when I wonder how my life would have turned out as just George. But not very often and I still have no regrets.

I’ve had the benefit of living two lives. One as George and one as Georgia. I know what life “could have been” because I lived it for most of my life. In reality I lived a third of it as George without a clue about my existence other than to know I just didn’t feel normal. A third of it as a joint existence so to speak. George worked all week, and I spent the weekend spending his money on clothes and living my life. The last portion of this life has been mine.

It is my worst fear to think that children, even young adults will never have the opportunity to experience life in the sexual context of how they were born long enough to be able to make a rational choice as a young adult about what to do with their bodies. They may never know what might have been. If they still think they were born with a mismatch of emotions and body then make an informed decision about the advantages and disadvantages of making that irreversible decision.

It’s my personal opinion that any teacher who fosters or encourages the children entrusted to their care to make that kind of permanent decision, especially without the parents’ knowledge should be prosecuted to the fullest extent possible. It’s criminal in my opinion. They are taking it upon themselves to encourage children to make decisions for which the teacher will never have to answer for nor deal with those irreversible consequences.

A study done back in the early years of this century estimated that the suicide rate among transexuals was ten to eleven times that of the normal population. Recent studies suggest as many as forty to fifty percent of gender dysphoria affected persons admit contemplating suicide and as many as thirty percent attempting it. I suspect that will spiral to an enormous number in the next ten to twenty years, as a result of the current trend of adolescent gender confusion being fostered by educators, and even by parents yielding to the confused whims of their children.

Even among adults who struggle with gender identity along with other issues such as relationships, job conflicts, social conflicts … the list can be endless. The tendency there is to put all the blame on their gender identity issues and think that if they make that change everything will work itself out. But it seldom does.

In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a scenario that they refer to as a geographical, which is never advisable. It goes like this. Say an alcoholic is living in New York and decides that New York is the problem and that a move to Los Angeles will solve the problem and they won’t want to drink in Los Angeles. New York is the problem. So, they pack up and move to LA. Guess what! All the problems moved with them and the drinking usually becomes worse.

In other words, you have to identify and then solve problems right where you are. Gender identity is no different. Sex reassignment surgery will never solve more than that one problem. And if undergone for the wrong reasons without serious consideration of the possible consequences the result can be utterly tragic.

So I beg anyone who will listen, who will pay attention, to be patient with yourselves, be patient with loved ones who are struggling with gender identity issues whether child or adult but especially children. Proceed with extreme caution. And if you know of any teacher who is fostering gender issues with children in their care get busy and get them fired at the least and jailed if possible. What they are doing is criminal.

The Root of the Problem … In My Opinion

Posted on by
Reply

If something, anything, is broken you can attempt to fix it. If you’re successful and manage to fix what was broken that’s great. But what if the fix is only temporary or is susceptible to being broken again? That could be an indication that a permanent solution needs to be found, unless of course you like fixing things. There are people like that.

Years ago, when I was still on the farm, I had a good friend who was constantly “fixing” equipment. One day I asked him why he didn’t buy new equipment that didn’t need to be “fixed” all the time. I said, “it’s not like you can’t afford it because you can. So why don’t you buy new equipment?” His response was very simple,

“You don’t get it. I enjoy fixing things. If I buy new equipment, I won’t have anything to fix anymore.”

Fast forward 40 plus years to today and observe the way Washington works. Is there anyone who can point to any act of congress that actually fixed a problem so that it didn’t need to be fixed again and again and again? The answer to that question is not just no … It’s HELL NO!!!

If a bill introduced in congress was really intended to fix a problem, it would have built into it a date certain for the problem to have been not only fixed, but insure that it wouldn’t be needed again. When was the last time that actually happened?

Some bills are introduced with an end date such as FISA but that end date is just that, an end date. It doesn’t actually specify how it is going to fix the problem that it was created to fix. All it does say is that there is a problem and how the problem is going to be identified. With this particular bill, mechanisms were apparently built in to allow it to be abused. So, right now there is more conversation about how or whether to extend it than to actually fix it so that in X number of years it will no longer be needed.

My question at this point is, how did we get to this point? The founding fathers did anticipate a messy system, but I don’t think they envisioned the nearly dysfunctional system that we have today. Is it fixable? I believe so, but it will take at least a generation if not two generations. Why do I think that?

The root of the problem is buried deep, very deep, in our public educational system. The beast that has been gnawing away at the foundation of our system of government for the last three generations at least is the teachers’ unions. The first teachers’ union, the National Teachers Association was founded in in 1857 by Zalmon Richards. In 1870 the NTA merged with the American National School Association, the National Association of School Superintendents and the Central College Association to become what we now know as the National Education Association, the NEA. It was chartered as it is today in 1907.

Apparently Zalmon only served a few years as president. but records indicate that he continued attending the bi-annual meetings. There is more about his conservative Christian involvements than his union involvement.

The other major teachers’ union the American Federation of Teachers is roughly half the size of the NEA with only about one and a half million members. A merger with NEA in was rejected by the members of NEA most likely due to the influence of Albert Shanker who served as president of AFT from 1974 until his death in 1997. The fact that he was an advocate for Charter Schools, called for a national competency test for teachers, merit pay for teachers and more stringent graduation requirements out to tell you all you need to know about why the membership of NEA rejected the merger proposal.

Fast forward 11 years through Sandra Feldman and Edward J McElroy to Randi Weingarten, a name that should send shivers down the spine of any parent. It took a mere 11 years for everything Shanker worked for to be totally destroyed.

On the other hand the moral rot that is the NEA can be traced back, more than likely closer to a hundred years The time it would take to dig all the way back through the records of the NEA to find out just when the root rot that has become the current NEA is incalculable.

Most people probably didn’t pay much attention to the NEA, which is the way they liked it, until COVID-19 struck. I use that word “struck” because that is basically what the teachers whether they were NEA of AFT did. They essentially “struck” when told it was time take off their sweats and get back in the classroom. An entire generation of children was set back in their education by at least one year if not two.

It’s my firm belief that those two organizations are the tap root of the problems we are seeing in our college campus demonstrations and riots. Not all of the demonstrators are college age but a look at the screen of your TV should give you an idea of the percentages. Those people have not been taught to think for themselves. They have no ability to apply critical thinking to what they are being told. I doubt that the teachers themselves who are currently in the classrooms have ever been taught how to think critically.

So, when some Muslim extremist, or fascist adherent gets to the classroom lectern or on a hastily erected podium on a street corner and starts spewing hateful rhetoric about Jews, in this case, they have absolutely no idea how to objectively research the actual facts before they storm out on to the street. They have never been taught real history. They have never been taught civics. I would be surprised if many of them could do simple math without a calculator.

The parents of those demonstrators bear at least a partial responsibility for the situation. They left the education of their children to the NEA and AFT without paying even a modicum of attention to what was being taught. All they cared about was whether their children were absorbing what they were taught and the proof of that was good grades. I would be willing to bet that 80 t0 90 percent of those demonstrators were “A” students according to the grading system designed by who? You know who.

A stark example of the difference in the effect that educators can have is evident in my own family. My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, and I are both conservative in our political opinions. Admittedly we don’t see eye to eye on various individual politicians, but nevertheless we are products of a more conservative education system and conservative parents. Our sister, on the other hand, is the exact opposite in her political views. She is 14 years younger than me and was educated in a variety of systems including liberal California and Italian systems. That was followed up with 4 years in a liberal college in Colorado. She has been known to threaten to divest herself of her American citizenship when a conservative has been elected as president. I can’t think of a more stark example of the effect of an education steeped in liberal ideology. And she was, by the way, an “A” student.

People like this are so imbedded in our governmental institutions it will take decades to rid the system of their influence. This is all by design.  The design has been crafted by people with one goal and one goal only. That goal is to destroy the best system of government ever created by mankind. Sad to say, but I fear it is all going to lead to a violent disruption of our society and how that disruption ends is, at this point, anybody’s guess.

The one bright spot in the disaster that was COVID-19 is that parents were at last awakened to what was going on in the classrooms they were sending their children to.

A Delayed Response

Posted on by
Reply

Recently, someone close to me asked a question via a text that I felt that more than a return text reply was required because it’s not the first time that question or a similar question has been put to me. Here is the text in it’s entirely.

“I absolutely understand that the GOP stands strong on less taxes, smaller government and their Christian values. I agree. I’m just confused…

“Georgia they hate you. They are anti LGTBQIA!! You are a freak according to them. I despise them for that! You’re a human being. You’re living in your correct body!! You’re authentically you.

How can you support a party that doesn’t see YOU! Doesn’t respect you, doesn’t acknowledge YOU.”

My immediate response is “who is THEY? Apparently, this person is referring to Republicans as a whole. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could be further from the truth. What I have found after years of living in this social environment for nearly 30 years is that as long as I behave like a normal person, which means I don’t expect special treatment, I have experienced only a minimum degree of discrimination. Sure, there are instances when customers suddenly quit communicating with no explanation. Most of those are due to a human reluctance to say no to my proposal. Only rarely have I been aware that one of the people involved indicates a dislike for me by means of demeanor. But to lump every single conservative in that “THEY’ category is on its face absurd.

That, in a nutshell pretty much describes what I would call a single-issue voter, someone who looks at an issue though a tightly focused lense. For some people that lense is focused on abortion rights. For others it may be animal rights or the “green agenda. Whatever their issue is, it always takes precedence over everything else. The better good of the society they live in is totally unimportant.

Why is that?

I’m not certain of the why but I can speculate can’t I. For beginners I think it stems from fear; fear of being wrong. If a person looks at the broad scope of issues faced in our society, and that person finds that broad scope too complicated to be addressed effectively, then the simple solution is to narrow the scope. End result? A single issue voter.

In the above example there was more than just that one issue admitted, but the bottom line was that one single issue carried so much weight in their mind that all the things that affected the entirety of our national security were ignored.

For me, my personal desires are not worthy of the altruistic luxury of considering a single issue when choosing the people and party I cast my vote for. To me that would be an abdication of my responsibilities as a registered voting citizen. Am I ignorant of the segment of conservatism that finds the decisions I’ve made in my life wrong at the least or horribly wrong at worst? Not hardly! But I simply cannot place my personal issues ahead of the greater good, which is what single issue voters do.

The situation that our country is in requires that I look beyond my personal issues to issues that are corroding the very fabric of our society. I look at what has happened in the last 3 years as a result of single-issue voting. The person who I quoted above cast her vote simply because of an attitude toward Donald Trump which is the result of being swayed by hateful rhetoric of the press. For me to cast my vote for any democrat would be for me to abandon my principles which are rooted in the belief of right and wrong. What the democrat party has proven to me is that they have no, I repeat, no moral compass and that oddly enough is what some conservatives accuse people like me of being guilty of.

I’m not going to suggest that I am better than anyone else simply because I choose to buck the majority of my gender community, or any other community for that matter. I am suggesting that I have made my voting decisions based on what I believe is the greater good of our American society, at least the one I grew up in, not necessarily the one I find myself a part of today. It is incomprehensible to me that I could be so totally self-absorbed that I would make such an important decision based on my own personal desires.  So, what kind of society do I find myself a part of today as it relates to me and my lifestyle?

It is a society that has been totally preempted by a radical fringe that in my opinion has, by virtue of their behavior and public pronouncements, (case in point is the trans person who bared her prosthetic breast on the lawn of the White House during the Easter festivities a year ago) put a real target on the backs of those of us who simply want to be a part of society as who we are without special treatments or exceptions. The demands for special treatment and exceptions are being made on our behalf by people who are themselves expressing a childish desire for attention.

Personally, I resent those demands being made “on my behalf”. The people creating these demands have made my world unsafe. Before they stuck their noses in where they don’t belong, I was able to go about my life unconcerned for my safety in public, unconcerned about what people might be thinking of me and resenting me for being what they consider a part of a group which is making demands for acceptance that would have come anyway. But they are setting that acceptance back decades.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too

Posted on by
Reply

The old adage that “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” seems to ring loudly when it comes to trans athletes. One of the first things I had to come to grips with when I made the decision to transition from George to Georgia was that I would be giving up certain aspects of George’s life in order for me to make that transition complete. At least, that was what I felt I needed to do in order for me, as Georgia to live a complete and satisfying life in my new role.

What I see happening in sports today, especially women’s sports, is a bunch of men who, appear to be unable to compete successfully as men sacrificing their masculinity for the sake of winning at a sport, they are not able to win as men.

Is it possible that I am just totally off the rails here? Yeah, it’s possible. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been wrong. But, appearances do have their way of affecting the way we see things don’t they. What I don’t see happening is any of them stepping up to the plate and making it known as to whether or not they have taken the irreversible plunge and actually having the surgery required for them to come as close as it is possible for any person with an X and a Y chromosome to change that Y to an X.

People who know me personally know that I have never, not once, tried to tell them that I am a real woman. I’m not and I never will be. But in the grand scope of my life, I am happy with the choice I made and have not once ever regretted that change. Well, maybe once but that is another story for another time.

To me, women are something to admire, to appreciate, to love and be loved by. I do not understand the mentality behind a person with double X chromosomes thinking that maintaining a male physique in order to compete with people who have XY in their genetic makeup is being female in any manner, shape or form. Sorry but that just doesn’t compute.

What they are doing doesn’t in any way shape or form further the cause of achieving acceptance by the society we live in. It does exactly the opposite. It has created a necessity for society to call for laws that shouldn’t be necessary. They have created an environment that is no longer working toward acceptance and understanding to one that is nothing short of just plain hostile.

In my presentations to college level classes I make a point early in the discussion that what those of us in the trans community is a mismatch in our bodies and our emotional makeup. I make a point that normal men, basically feel comfortable burping and belching and dragging their knuckles. It’s natural for them to want to be tough and ready to defend whatever might need defending.

On the other hand, women, in general enjoy being pretty and being defended by that guy who drags his knuckles and burp and belches. Are these two descriptions intended to be any more than broad generalities? Not at all. What they are intended to be is a basis for a discussion of what is meant by the term gender identity. What do normal people feel about themselves opposed to what people like me feel about ourselves? That is not an easy question to answer but I do think it deserves examination.

I can’t speak for normal people since I am very obviously not normal and to be honest, I can’t speak for the male-to-female transgendered athlete. It just seems to me that wanting to be female in spite of the body one is born with a person would want to be as much like a real woman as possible. That is what I aspire to. But how could those whose bodies give them such an extreme advantage over the very people they claim to be on the inside, want to overwhelm them in physical competition so completely? That, to me is just incomprehensible. That is just not what I see as in character for a natural woman.

I know I am not in actuality a woman. I never will be. I was born with the wrong body and even though modern surgery can modify my body to aid me in my quest to be female, nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever going to change that simple fact of nature. I’m not a real woman. Society is never going to be able to change that simple fact of nature. All the advertising gimmicks and the pop psychology of the media pundits is never going to change that fact of nature.

What has changed as a result of all the hoopla over gender identity and the misguided efforts of politicians and activists, is the level of acceptance society feels toward us. Instead of a swell of support for the mismatch of body and emotions we are faced with a backlash. The level of acceptance we had achieved has been set back decades and it angers me. The do-gooders in the press, in education and in politics, along with the activists in the transgender community, have for the sake of their own advancement made life for the rest of us much more difficult.

The results of the woke pressure for all of society to march to the drum of gay and transgendered activists has indeed caused a major problem in the social fabric of our nation. The sleeping majority of people who used to be content to let us be a part of society, albeit a small part, are now seeing our entire community as a major threat to them and their beliefs.

The backlash is best described as the empty plate where a big slice of cake used to sit, but has been eaten by a greedy child who is now crying because he now has no cake.

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too!”

Do I really wish I was three again knowing what I know now?

Posted on by
1

It’s a question I have asked myself often lately. The news today is rife with stories of teachers, well-meaning or not, encouraging children as young as five or six years old to express a gender identity different from their biological sex. To begin with, I don’t for a minute believe that any teacher should be making those decisions for any child. That is for the parents and the parents alone to address.

But just how do I feel when I consider what my life would have been like if the knowledge, I have today was available when I was five years old?

To begin with, that is virtually impossible for me to imagine, but I can be reasonably certain that I would have been totally confused and bewildered. I simply did not have the mental capacity to even begin to navigate the emotional minefield that one is confronted with, when the mere thought that one’s emotional configuration does not match the physical configuration of one’s body. I had trouble enough as a young adult trying to understand all the implications of what I was feeling. There was no way that I could have dealt with the confusion at the age of five.

So, what age is the right age to begin to deal with gender dysphoria? Short answer … there is no universal answer to that question. The simple fact is that for me, the right age was somewhere in my mid-fifties. Do I think that is the right age for everyone? Of course not. Are there periods of my life that I would like to re-live as Georgia; periods I would like to switch places with George? Absolutely!

But I need to ask this question: would I be better off today if Mrs. Baldwin, my first-grade teacher had taken it upon herself to decide that Georgie would be happier as Georgia and proceeded to implant that idea in my undeveloped brain without my parents’ knowledge? Oh, hell no!! She would have robbed me of experiences and memories that I have of George’s life that no amount of therapy could replace. She would have robbed me of experiences that could only have been available to George but that I can benefit from.

She would have made uneducated assumptions about me, about Georgie that she had no right to make. I don’t even think a lot of parents today have the background or the knowledge to make those decisions for their children. But that is exactly what way too many teachers, who are being goaded by the teachers’ unions (aka NEA and affiliates), are doing without parents’ knowledge much less their approval.

In my presentations to college classes, I preface everything with the statement that when I discuss gender identity there are very few and far between facts and that what I have to say in that regard is strictly my personal opinion. I have been saying that for twenty years and I say it still today. It’s for that reason that I find it terribly wrong for any teacher to take it on themselves to encourage any child to take on a persona that does not match their birth gender.

In a study done in the late 1990s it was discovered that the suicide rate among gender variant individuals was nearly eleven times that of normal individuals. There have been numerous studies done in recent years which points to possibly higher rates than previously thought. A quick review of the subject on Google lists a considerable number of studies on the subject but none address the actual number of actual completed suicides.

Obviously gender identity is becoming a more common topic of discussion, but it seems that it is being affected by a failure to address the need for extreme caution in guiding the young people in our education system toward irreversible actions. I have addressed the irreversible issue in my own life by referencing that decision to Caesar’s decision to cross the Rubicon. It cannot not be undone.

And if I have not made myself clear … No teacher has the right to encourage at the least or to facilitate at most, any gender variant behavior in any child with or without a parent’s approval. Teachers simply do not have the training nor the experience to involve themselves in such a critical issue in a child’s life. That is an irreversible procedure.

So, do I really wish I was three again, knowing what I know now? Nope! Not a bit! The joy I find in life now is the result of a life lived in two genders … two worlds, and guided by God’s impeccable timing.

How long do we have?

Posted on by
Reply

What you are about to read has absolutely nothing to do with gender identity other than to make clear that whatever a person’s gender identity, life takes on its own direction, irrespective of that identity. Suffering is no respecter of gender.

Years ago, when I suffered a stroke at an age that things like that weren’t supposed to happen to me, I came face to face with my own mortality. As it turned out it wasn’t an end-of-life experience, even though it felt like that, as I was losing control of the right half of my body. When I regained full consciousness and began reliving the experience, as I lay there in the University of Utah Medical Center, and wondering what, if anything, was going to change in my life. As a result of what had just happened, I found myself thinking about the times I had wasted watching television. Oddly enough it was one of those wasted moments, that brought everything into focus.

I don’t even remember the name of the show, but I do remember that episode vividly. Ronny Schnell played the role of a radio DJ and Goldie Hawn had figuratively cornered him into being faced with having to propose marriage. Schnell’s out was to say that he couldn’t do that because his doctor had told him he didn’t know how long he, Schnell had to live. However, that ploy backfired because it only stiffened Goldie’s resolve to get married. Finally, Schnell confessed that what the doctor had actually said was that he didn’t know how long Schnell had to live … he was so healthy he could live to over a hundred.

Three weeks ago, today I woke up with a nasty dry cough and feeling rather puny. By midafternoon, the next day the Blue Magnet insisted that I go to urgent care. My vitals were not what they should have been, and I just assumed that I had contracted a dose of flue since I hadn’t had my flu shot yet. However, as a precaution a COVID swab was done and the next day my doctor notified me that I had a breakthrough case of after vaccination COVID-19. The doctor suggested that I consider a monoclonal infusion. She sent me the official information on the procedure and after reading it thoroughly I decided that the potential side effects weren’t worth the risk. In retrospect that might have been the wrong decision.

In the meantime, the Blue Magnet was tested with the same results. Her symptoms were minor, and she continued to work at home. I, on the other hand, was not so fortunate.

By the end of the first week, I was in such bad shape that Blue loaded me up and drove me to ER. I was miserable, and in a room full of miserable people, although in my opinion they weren’t in as bad a shape as I was. I genuinely felt that dying would be easier than getting well.

After waiting 4 hours I approached the desk to find out how much longer I would have to wait and was told that they didn’t know since I wasn’t considered an urgent enough case. The Blue Magnet, who had been waiting in her car the entire time decided to take matters into her own hands and drove to Walgreens for fluids and electrolytes. When she returned, I went to the desk and told them to take me off the list because I could get better care at home.

The next morning, I was still dehydrated, and my oxygen count was hovering between 87 and 90. Blue insisted on taking me back to the ER. This time I was immediately ushered to an exam room. Lots of tests and an IV later I was sent home. Two days later the scenario repeated itself. That time, after more tests and isolation ina  totally separate room, I was given the option to check into the hospital for 24 hours for observation. I chose to return home again.

I was finally beginning to recover bit by bit, but after a conversation with Home Depot’s Covid response representativ Andrea, my leave was extended another week and a half and I will return to work on the 18th.  As of this writing the only residual effect is shortness of breath and thus I tire easily.

The upshot of all this is a loss of faith in our government’s ability to be honest and forthright in the information they feed us via a media that has built a pedestal for Dr. Fauci to rest on. It’s obvious that the lockdowns don’t work anymore than the protocols that have been forced on us for the last 2 years. Yes, I’m aware that what I suffered, even after both initial vaccinations, might have been much worse without the vaccination., But that doesn’t keep me from being high suspicious of any pronouncement coming from CDC or any other government entity.

I am by now totally disgusted with the Biden administration and anything that comes out of it. We have been lied to, locked down, lost jobs and lost faith in the very institutions that are supposed to protect us from all enemies, foreign and domestic. The current resident of the White House is an incompetent human being whose sole interest is his perceived legacy. God help us and save us from people who think they are the only smart people in the room and therefore must direct every minute aspect of our lives, and the people who think that since every aspect of their lives needs to be controlled by government that the government should control every aspect of every life without regard to how long that life may have left.

Are they old enough to know

Posted on by
Reply

The last sentence of the first chapter of Dear Mom and Dad and the last sentence of the book end with a quote from a Hank Ketchum’s classic comic strip character Dennis the Menace. “I wish I was three again knowing what I know now”. The idea being that I would have made different decisions about my life’s direction. I don’t think there are many of us in this world who wouldn’t agree with that statement. We all wish from time to time that life had a rewind button. I bring this up because of an article I read recently in Hillsdale College’s publication Imprimis.

The article was written by journalist and author Abigail Shrier and titled Gender Ideology Run Amok. Naturally, when I saw the title, I felt compelled to read the article in its entirety, something I don’t often do with any article in any publication. But this one I did read all the way through and I’m glad I did because it raised some serious questions about the way decisions are being made on how gender identity is being addressed in our country’s mental health community today.

Shrier points out that in 2007 there was only one pediatric gender clinic in our country. Today there are hundreds. Her question is: How did we get to this point? It’s an important question. The fact that she says gender issues have become a big issue in our schools doesn’t really address how and why it has become a big issue, just that it has become a big and destructive issue which it is. I have my own theory and ideas about it which you can, no doubt, imagine.

Let’s get to the root of the problem, which in my opinion is our educational system and the group that has the biggest influence in in it … the teacher’s unions in general and the National Education Association in particular. The last year and a half of the Corona Virus epidemic has brought that groups true colors into focus. It’s my belief that while a large number of teachers really did want to be teachers with the best interest of the children they teach at heart, there are just as many, if not more who have become teachers with ulterior motives at heart.

A teacher who is not mentally or emotionally capable of addressing the mental or emotional issues they are confronted with in the classroom will inevitably look for a scapegoat to deflect attention away from themselves. Enter into the classroom a child that is struggling with their personal identity. Instead of taking the time to really help the child and the family it is far easier to pin the problem on the current hot button issue … gender identity. That way the problem for the child becomes a way for the teacher to avoid looking incompetent and instead look like a pioneer in childhood gender identity  solutions, which of course the teacher is not.

The fact that I refer to wishing I was three again does not imply that I wish I could have lived my entire life as Georgia. It does imply that I wish could have understood why I didn’t feel “normal” much earlier than I did. The fact that I struggled with feelings of unease in being who I was does mean that in many was I going through what most adolescents go through. I feel for the children today because they are not being allowed to be children. They are not being allowed to develop their own self-image. At the first sign of an identity issue, it’s not being treated as part of the normal growing up process. No, it’s immediately identified as a gender issue that must be treated with the current fad treatment. They and their parents are instantly steered into mostly irreversible decisions.

When I made that decision to transition it was with an adult mind and after more than a few years of self-examination. I could never have made that decision intelligently or with a clear understanding of self as a teenager and I sincerely belief that scant few, if any at all, teenagers today are any different.

In my presentations to college classes about gender identity I try to make a point of saying that gender identity is a matter of learning to know who you are at your core and that transitioning isn’t going to solve any problem that isn’t solved beforehand. I liken it to something I heard repeatedly in AA. Alcoholics have a phrase for people who think that if they just change their location, move from New York to Los Angeles, it will solve the problem that caused them to drink. It’s called “a geographical”. It never works and it doesn’t work because the problem is not external… it’s internal. All you do is drag the issue along with you to a different location. Fix it where you are before moving on.

I think the same principle applies to gender identity. Adolescents are historically known for emotional issues. Encouraging them to believe that it’s because they were born in the wrong body is like a geographical. Psychologists and educators need to understand that they must quit looking to gender identity as the root of the problem. That solution will ultimately create even worse problems in the years ahead. All the gender identity solution is, is today’s way to deflect from a problem as old as mankind … adolescence.

A Vision Is Not Enough …

Posted on by
Reply

12:25 PM August 1, 2021

I would have normally been on way home from worship service at the home of one of New Foundation’s Pastor’s. But not today, and more than likely never again. I have had few things sadden me more. The natural and immediate reaction to the events of the last few months leading to the last 2 weeks is to point fingers and cast blame. While there is plenty of that to go around that is not my purpose here. My purpose is to look back over the last 12 plus years and record events and actions, of the people I have interacted with as a result of my participation in the decisions and actions of the leadership of New Foundation. If that is taken as finger pointing, so be it. But if we are not honest about how we got here then we learn nothing and we are left with nothing.

I wrote about my introduction to New Foundation in very last couple of pages of my memoir. I had been bitterly disappointed in the results of ego driven performances of the leadership of my previous church Healing Waters Ministries and had finally walked away. It shut down shortly thereafter. Two of the people I had known there had persisted in asking me to visit the new church they had found when they walked away. I finally agreed to attend one service.

As I said in my memoir, one look at the face of Jabowa Whitehead and I felt I knew why God had closed Healing Waters. I felt it was because He had been holding open the door of New Foundation Christian Fellowship all along.

It must have been several months before I was invited to the Society of Sipping Saints. Being a recovering Alcoholic who worked weekends in a bar I had no issue with going to a bar with a few of the congregation and the pastors. I enjoyed the social atmosphere with the people I had just worshiped with. It became a regular occurrence. I had never had a social experience like that at any church. It truly gave meaning to the term church “family”. Since Jabow had asked me to take over the communication I found that time a good time to text all the people who hadn’t been in service that morning.

I had some disagreements with Jabowa, most of which were political. For instance, it was about that time when the issue of gay marriage came to the fore in the news and commentary sections of the various media. In a phone conversation with him I voiced my politically conservative opinion on the issue. He quickly informed me that it was extremely important to so that he could marry the man he loved, Pastor Juan.

Over the next few years our congregation grew quickly, and we soon found that we needed a larger facility. I, along with a few others, put in many hours making the necessary modifications to the new facility and soon we had moved from the small second floor rooms across the street to new larger free-standing building with a large parking lot which we needed with a growing congregation. We had room for Children’s Sunday School, and it too was growing.

But a change began to take place in the spiritual environment. I was still happy with all the people, new and old. Pastor Jabowa began adding people to the dais behind him and soon the front of our church began to resemble a holy roller church. I have to admit that I didn’t think some of those he chose should be up there. But I also felt it wasn’t my place to say anything. In addition to that change Pastor Jabowa abandoned his nicely but casually dressed appearance and started wearing a black robe. But we continued to grow.

Then one morning Pastor Juan wasn’t there. At the end of service, Jabowa requested all the leadership to stay behind for a private meeting. He informed us that he and Juan were separating, and that it was the result of 8 months of counseling. Pastor Juan was visiting family in Alaska.

I was personally in tears and stayed behind to tell him how heartbroken I was. I asked him at the time there was someone else in either of their lives. He said, no. I took him at his word. This all occurred in either late February or early March.

It may have been a couple of weeks, but no more when Jabowa told me he was seeing someone else. When I look back on it, I see it as the moment before the fall from grace. I reminded him of what he had said about Juan being the love of his life. He denied having ever said it.

Pride weekend and Sunday morning, when he should have been at the church preparing for the service, he wasn’t there. No one knew where he was, and no one had heard from him. He didn’t respond to text messages or phone calls. Pastor Cherry grabbed her laptop and pulled up a sermon.

The next week half of the congregation was absent. And the week after that half of those were not there. I had the opportunity to ask one of the men, someone I admired for his faith, if he was going to leave too. He responded with, “Yes, God has withdrawn his blessing from New Foundation.” The downhill tumble had begun in earnest. It could have been avoided if Jabowa had only offered some kind of apology and committed himself to a renewed commitment. But he never did.

The church was moved from that building to a conference room at hotel. That lasted for a little over a year. Then we found ourselves meeting to a bar. One of the last times I saw Pastor Cherry she said flatly that “we’ve got to get out of this bar”.

Just before Covid hit Jabowa and his next husband Pastor Freddie announced that we “would be meeting at their home. And that’s where we have been until a week ago when none of the pastors, including the one who was supposed to give the sermon showed up.

I have put all this down because I want to emphasis the importance of a pastor’s devotion to his duty and while no person is perfect, using the excuse that “I’m only human, is merely a way of self-justification for failing in one’s duty. Sadly, I have to say that I heard Pastor Jabowa use that very excuse on a number of occasions.

The word pastor is from the Greek word “poimen” which translates as “shepherd”. I came from an agriculturally oriented family background. My dad had a favorite saying for situations like this: “You don’t go to town when the ox is in the ditch”.

Unfortunately, just as the shepherd who puts his own desires ahead of his responsibility to care for the sheep in his charge, New Foundation has suffered entirely too much from personal priorities been placed ahead of the Shepherd’s duty. Sadly, for all Jabowa’s good intentions and amazing concept for a church configured like the early church before Constantine took over, that original concept of welcoming “all people” and giving them a family that maybe many of them never had, was lost in personality flaws of leadership.

  1. C. “Jabowa” Whitehead was a very loving person and everyone who ever knew him was forever changed. I was blessed to know him and worship with him and share his vision, but a vision alone is not enough. A vision requires effort, dedication, planning, execution of the plan, leadership and unfailing commitment to purpose. If New Foundation is to survive, it needs to be re-born with a commitment by all involved to dedicate themselves to the execution of all these facets of purpose and remember how we got to this place.

Just to Clarify

Posted on by
Reply

A recent communication from a good friend pointed out that a description of some people, in my last blog as “stupid” was probably not the best choice of words and as a result somewhat detracted from the point I was trying to make. In retrospect he was probably correct. I undoubtedly could have been a bit more, well considerably more, diplomatic.

When I was in early sobriety and learning to assess my previous behavior in an honest and forthright manner, I was told in confessing my transgressions that when I followed up my confession with, “but” such and such or so and so did such and such to cause my behavior that I totally negated my personal responsibility in the interaction. So, no “buts” here.

I am angry. And I feel justifiably so. I will apologize for using the term “stupid” but not for the assessments that followed the term. I know that I am only a single voice in the choir and that I have, in that respect, a total inability to carry a tune. But I will not let that keep me from singing as loudly as I can.

All that being said, I need to express an opinion regarding gender identity politics and what I see as a major flaw the thinking of many in our community. That flaw is the idea that everything we express must be expressed from the platform of our gender identity.

When I first became involved the activities of the world of the transgendered, I of course was primarily concerned with being an accepted part of the community. Having always been outspoken about my political views, which by the way included my religious views, I saw no reason to suppress those views just because I was wearing a wig and a dress. I immediately found that, for many in the organization, I was a heretic. After all, conservative religion and politics were joined hand in hand in the denunciation of the transgendered community.

While that was true to a certain degree it was definitely an overgeneralization of the situation. If you have followed my blog over time, you know that I certainly have not let the opinions of those I disagree with stifle the expression of my views. If I had a bigger following, I would probably be banned from Facebook and Twitter, but so far, I have not.

Enter stage right, Caitlyn Jenner.

She is the embodiment of what I have felt and expressed in the past. She is what the transgendered community needs badly because what she is saying, to me at any rate, is that gender identity is not going to keep her from expressing her conservative political opinions. To date I have not heard anything from her that reflects her gender identity. She has been strictly focused on issues that have nothing to do with gender; issues that affect average people in her state. If her gender identity is brought up it’s the interviewer who brings it up and not her. So, what if her transgendered status draws attention. It has nothing to do with what she feels the people of California need from the point of view of a very successful businessperson.

She should be an example to the transgendered community to put gender identity aside and be a contributing member of society … like any “normal” person would do without making gender the issue.

My parents never expressed an opinion of anyone based on issues they had no control over, ie … skin color, sex, physical handicaps. As a result, I learned to look at the character of people in my life. Did Caitlyn have a choice to visibly express her gender identity? Absolutely! But she had no choice as to the set of emotions she was born with and that is what she is expressing in her appearance … and to my way of thinking, an expression of her character.

In closing this blog entry what I want to say is, to our transgender community, stop with the gender identity excuses for not living up to your potential. Stop with the gender identity excuses for thinking you are a victim. Stop parroting the opinions of those who are telling you that you are a victim. There are no victims here, only people who have been convinced they are victims by those who need victims to support their own self-centered aims of controlling other’s lives … since most of them, from what I see, have had trouble controlling their own.

A Lack of Morals?

Posted on by
3

When I was much younger than I am today, I lived with the sense that even though I didn’t agree what many people felt or believed about what our government should or should not do for us, I felt the best interest of our country and the freedoms it represented were their primary intent. If I hadn’t been disabused of that naïve belief before, I certainly am now.

What is happening in our country, in our capitol, in the hands of our elected leaders, (and I’m not referring to the ones that fall on the “red” side of either branch of our government) is nothing short of the worst possible scenario any screen writer or novelist could conceivably come up with. When I listen to the promises and the proposals that are being foisted upon us with regularity, I can come to only one conclusion. There is now a total lack of morals in the democrat party, with damn few exceptions.

Why on earth would anyone with a conscience want to burden future generations with the astronomical debt that congress has now saddled the country with? Why? It certainly isn’t because they sincerely want a better life for future generations. It is economically impossible for this country continue to add to our debt load without totally destroying an economy that has, up until now been the envy of the world.

It has long been said that people vote with their pocketbooks in mind. Well, how stupid can people get? Do they really think that all that money is going buy them more than what they can by today? Apparently, they do. You would think that if the average citizen had even a modicum of understanding of principle of supply and demand that they would soon figure out that what makes a dollar worth more is not having more of it. It’s the exact opposite. The supply of any commodity, including the dollar directly affects its value.

The democrats know that and that, to my mind, makes them criminals. They don’t care about anyone or anything that detracts from their power to control the lives of anyone they consider less than themselves or their ability to enrich themselves at the expense of the very people they claim to represent. So, how is it that supposedly educated people fall for the obviously wrong-headed ideas?

They are in fact, obviously very uneducated. Sure, they have college degrees of every sort, but the degrees are absolutely worthless when it comes to an understanding of real economics. The result is voters who buy into the notion that free college education, free childcare, free everything is actually free. That is what our education system has given us … a country filled with educated stupid people. And the democrats know it.

The democrats know that and that is why they are getting away with things like “woke” culture, whatever the hell that is. It’s supposed to mean that “woke” people have “woke” up to the injustices of our culture and history. In my opinion, it primarily means that they have “woke” up to one simple fact. With control of the media, career government employees and now congress and the white house they have “woke” up to the fact that they can lie about history and get away with it. If that isn’t a lack of morals, I don’t know what is. There is absolutely no moral basis for anything “woke” culture has produced. “Woke” culture is totally and completely void of any moral compass.

So, what is the solution for those of us who still have a moral compass? Maybe we need to follow Maxine Waters advice and “get up in their face”. The conservative moment has been too complacent and tried too hard to maintain a sense of decorum. Look at what that has gotten us.

We as a free people are at a precipice in history and if we don’t step back and take a few pages from the play book used by the democrats and their socialistic progressive allies we will be beyond redemption and our grandchildren will never know the promise of the United State of America.

A lack of morals? Without a doubt.