Restroom? Really?

I really don’t know where to start. If you don’t know me well you might assume that on the issue of bathrooms and gender identity that I would be railing against the narrow minded people on the hyper-conservative right end of the spectrum, but you would be wrong. That would be like railing against a stray dog that has never been house trained when you let it in the house for the first time and it pees on your new carpet. It and “they” don’t know any better.

The dog that’s never been house trained is not the one to blame. The owner, and there surely was one at some time or other, who didn’t bother to house train the dog is the one at fault there. Likewise, the hyper-conservative, generally hyper-conservative Christian, who’s railing against the transgendered person, which in most cases is a transgendered woman, for peeing in the house (the women’s restroom) is not the one to blame. Why? Because, like the untrained dog, they don’t know any better.

So, why don’t they know any better? Why haven’t they been trained? Or to state it better, why haven’t they been educated? In my most humble opinion, it’s because the voices in the gender identity community have made practically no effort to educate them. There were no efforts at all, to speak of, for society to learn anything about those of us who find ourselves in a situation where our bodies have little in common with our brains. As Paul Newman’s character, Luke, in “Cool Hand Luke” said just a nanosecond before he was shot, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

.One of the first things I discovered when I first became involved with the transgendered community was that virtually all discussions were about how to make society accept us. If the discussion is on that topic it’s about how to force acceptance on society. There were few, if any, serious discussions about how to gain acceptance.

In my experience, the activists among us, who like to think of themselves as martyrs for having stepped into the line of fire, cause more discrimination because their solution to the problem is to force trans acceptance on society; to take what they don’t appreciate and rub their faces in it. Call me narrow minded or ignorant if that makes you feel better, but the result of cramming acceptance down society’s throat is like picking a scab. It only prolongs the healing.

I get angry every time I read or hear about some trans activist raising a ruckus over the smallest affront, perceived or real. Get over it. Do “normal” people normally make a career out forcing their wishes and opinions on everyone around them? Not “normally.”

Another issue that I found disconcerting, was the fact that trans people tended to go “out and about” in groups. It seemed to me that it was more like a “pack” of whatever, dogs, wolves, coyotes. I understand why. There is safety in numbers, but packs tend to generate fear in people who intersect with them. I am not a trans-activist. I consider myself a “trans communicator.” We are never going to be accepted by the society we live in until we learn to communicate instead of agitate. We are never going to be accepted by society until we, the genuine trans community, weed out the trouble makers, the perverts, self-appointed martyrs in our midst.

There is a flip side to the coin of this argument. My big question for the hyper-conservative self-appointed “stray dogs” is this; of all the times in the course of a single day in this country, how many reports are there of a woman being attacked in a restroom by a “genuine” transwoman? And my point here is the word “genuine”. It’s an important point to make and here’s the reason.

A genuine transwoman is a person who is making a real effort to be and act as close as possible to a real woman as is humanly possible without having been born a “real” woman. “Real” women do not hang out in restrooms alone unless perhaps they’re hiding from a man. If a “real” woman enters a women’s restroom and sees a person who is obviously not a “real” woman because they are only partially or garrulously dressed as a woman, and that person is just hanging around, loitering, then and only then should security be called.

The further point I want to make here is this; and it’s a point I make early in my public presentations; the probability that 95% of the population of this world is strictly what the world would call normal to a large degree. Agreed?
So, for the “normies” of this world, and I will start with the men,If you are “normal”, you enjoy sports to one degree or another. You might wear your hat backwards on the weekend; you like your loose fitting comfy jeans and your New York Giants football jersey. Maybe you feel good in a suit and tie. In other words, you are comfortable in your own skin … you like being a “guy”. Your mental and emotional make up matches your body in a way that society approves of.

How would you feel if society said to you: “We don’t care what you “feel”; we don’t care that the way you express who you are shows in the way you want to dress and act. We, society, say that you have to shave your carefully trimmed beard, and your legs and your armpits. You have to pluck your eyebrows, wear makeup, dresses, high heeled shoes. In short, you have to dress like and act like a “lady” because that’s what we, society, dictate.”
For the women “normies” … flip that record over. You like to look feminine for the most part. You probably enjoy dressing in way that reflects your femininity. Maybe you enjoy having a man hold the door for you, send you flowers and pay for dinner. How would you feel if, regardless of what your inner emotional and mental make-up is, you cannot do all those things that make you feel good about who and what you are; no more shaving your legs, armpits, plucking your eyebrows, no more makeup, no nice dresses etc. In short you have to drag your knuckles and burp and belch, because we, society, say you cannot live your life according to your emotional and mental make-up. You have to live according to our dictates.

Life would be a miserable existence under those circumstances wouldn’t it? Well, that is what the average “trans-person” endures until they finally respond to their inner emotional and mental make-up. And then they have to endure the slings and arrows of a large portion of society. As an old saying from my southern background goes, Put the shoe on the other foot.”
In closing I have a word for the handful of conservative clergy, and this from a devout Christian who has read every word of the bible not once, not twice but repeatedly; quit acting like Pharisees and take your lead from your Savior and get to know the people you’re condemning. Then let’s talk.

2 thoughts on “Restroom? Really?

  1. Activists in many arenas irritate me – especially when they don’t take the time or energy to understand the audience. Above all, we need to be kind. Thanks for being YOU

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